The Secret Life of the Moogle

Ah... the life of the Moogle.

Most of you adventurers think that we moogles are just here to serve you.

YOU THOUGHT WRONG.

Haven't you adventurers figured out, the more characters you create, the more moogles there are to dominate the world?

You're adding to our population, kupo~.

Thank you for your help.

Oh? You want to know more about me, kupo? Alright.. but this is a work in progress. Don't mind me, this device helps me to set mind-controlling techniques.

My life started in the quaint little town of Windurst. You know, the town that's overrun with midgets and naked catgirls. Almost reminds me of college towns, kupo~.

*bell rings*

Head Moogle: What now, kupo...? Another new adventurer coming in?
Boss Moogle: Yes, kupo! A new adventurer named Taruun was created! Send in Moogle-chan to help her out, kupo~!
Head Moogle: Do you really think that's a good idea, Boss Moogle-kupo? You know what happened last time....
Boss Moogle: Are you defying me, kupo~?! Just remember, there's hundreds of other moogles that could take your place while you rest in a shallow grave in East Sarutabaruta..
Head Moogle: Oh no, kupo~! Didn't mean anything like that at all! Sending Moogle-chan to Taruun's moghouse of deat-- I mean, pretty moghouse, kupoo~!

So that's how things started. I was having fun relaxing in town, handing out presents to unsuspecting adventurers. The wooden katana we had for the Sword Festival can kill you if used correctly.

Deliveryboy Moogle: Moogle-chan! You have a change of orders, kupo~!
Moogle-chan: Again? What, the last adventurer didn't die fast enough, kupo~? I thought I had gotten rid of them for good, stealing all their gil and banning their IP.
Deliveryboy Moogle: New adventurer on the way. Clean up their new moghouse and get it ready
for them, kupo~!
Moogle-chan: Alright, alright. Although it'll take hours.... with all the blood smeared on the walls and floor from the last adventurer. They never did find my secret horde of the stolen gil. Think it was too much for them, kupo~... Ended up bashing themselves w/ a Kraken club I had found on the Auction House for 50 gil.
Delivery Moogle: Hurry up, kupo~! Taruun will arrive any minute!
Moogle-chan: OK, OK! I'm on my way, kupo~!

So I made my way over to the moghouse section of Windurst. I stepped inside and nearly keeled over from the stench.

Moogle-chan: Oh my, kupo~! Oh well, I'll let the new person clean up. It's not my house, kupo~.
Taruun: Hello, Moogle! I'm here!
Moogle-chan: Hello, kupo~! My name is Moogle-chan.
Taruun: Moogle-chan... why is there blood on the walls and floor? And oh my god, the stench! Open a window and let the place air out!
Moogle-chan: This place has no windows, kupo~.
Taruun: OK, OK, then open the door.
Moogle-chan: Can't do that either, kupo~. What if someone came in here and stole all your items? I'd feel bad, kupo~... (NOT.)
Taruun: Fine. Clean up the place, I'm going out and fighting some monsters.
Moogle-chan: No way, kupo~! I'm not your servant! Clean it up yourself, that's why you have arms and hands, kupo~!
Taruun: ... I thought you were supposed to be helpful....
Moogle-chan: I am, kupo~! I'm giving you helpful advice!
Taruun: *sigh* Fine. I'll clean it up. But since I'm short, you gotta help me with the high spots!
Moogle-chan: Sure, kupo! I'll lift you up!

Took Taruun 3 hours to get it cleaned up. God, I love my new job of torturing--- I mean helping my new victim-- oops, another mistake, kupo~!-- adventurer.